March was another failed month. 3 months into after the lap, 3 more months to go. It gets really tiresome failing all the time. No wonder dumb people drop out of high school.
We've moved to KY and it's alright here. Sure beats living in the boonies of MO. I'm glad to get the opportunity to go to school and majority of it paid for. Thank god! However, I still want to fit being a mother somewhere in there. Why can't I have both?
My husband is up my ass about getting a freaking job. Our finances suck due to his truck payment for a gas guzzling Dodge Ram, and the stupid ass loan he took out a few years back that won't be done until next year. So because of his financial mistakes he's pushing me into getting a fast food job. How the fuck is that fair? I've already paid my dues to fucking fast food.
Now we're in a fight because he put me down telling me my efforts so far aren't good enough. I've applied places; I can't make them give me a fucking job!! Because we have limited transportation and can't afford another car, I can't get a job 15 more minutes down the road. It wouldn't be worth it in the gas we'll be forking over for!! He already has to drive 15 minutes to work and back 5 days a week.
I hate my life. I'll be 30 in 3 years and what the fuck will I have accomplished? Nothing except for a failing marriage. I hate that I screwed up in my early 20s by moving to live with someone who was a control freak, liar, and kicked me out on the streets. Then I went back to live with my parents working a dead end job till I met my husband. Now I have a continuous failing marriage that I can't seem to get out of. Even if I left I would have nothing. I might as well put myself out of my misery and be done with life. Who am I kidding that life is going to get any better for me? I'm doomed to fail at everything. Miserably.
