So the bitch had her baby. Yes another mouth that they can hardly afford to feed. Her poor parents won't be able to retire until their late 60s since they have to support their family. The baby has a redundant name, whatever as long as she didn't steal my choices. She also has 2 middle names, which I don't understand because they're not Mexican. Dumb.
I found this out because I logged onto FB and saw the announcements on my in-laws page. Like anyone cares. Then some lovely pictures of the hellish looking mother and one that knifed my heart was of my BIL sitting cuddling his new daughter. All of those pictures were painful to look at, because I kept thinking that should've been us. Will that ever be me? Sadly, I can't even picture myself holding a baby that's apparently mine. So very sad.
Thankfully, I won't ever have to see the child or the stupid bitch for that matter. I'm not participating in any holidays where LOs will be around until I'm pregnant. I don't need to be even more sad and depressed, when I'm feeling like shit on a daily basis.
The hardest part is being stuck. Knowing that we have a chance to conceive naturally, but wondering if we're wasting out time waiting. And the part about not having any funds for IVF.
I've lost hope, there's none left. This is the hardest pill to swallow.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
New Year, maybe I'll get a pregnancy this year!
Christmas Break Review:
-Day 1 started off with DH's cousin going on and on about Sarah's pregnancy as I enter the room. I try to remove myself, but her voice is so damn loud and I end up hearing everything. I know more than I wanted to know, which was absolutely as little as possible.
-After that, I had to deal with being reminded of my niece and nephew's 2nd birthday. Another wonderful milestone in which I am still not pregnant.
-Playing with niece and being overwhelmed at how much she's advanced..gets me thinking of how much I want a child. Overall, I have mixed emotions around her. Thankfully, they were only there 5 days.
-More talk about the bitch's pregnancy.
-MIL stating that she'll visit her grandchildren when she retires. I'm sorry I don't have a grandchild for you to visit.
-Numerous pregnant bumps that surrounded me while Christmas shopping.
My Conclusion: This 2012 Christmas, I will not put myself thru this again. So I will be skipping Christmas and going on a little beach vacation. Don't give a shit, if my DH wants to come or not. I can't go thru another Christmas like that. Next year will be worse because I will be faced with the new baby who will be nearly 1.
New Year:
I'm really trying to be positive and not let this LTTC get to me. To an extent, I've pretty much given up..mentally. Or at least trying to get myself to accept the childless card I've obviously been dealt. Though, we are still trying. Just no OPks or temping..just us on prenatals.
It works some days, and other days it's all I can think about. My life is at a halt and our sex life sucks, but what can you do when you're desperately LTTC? Maybe if I had some sort of support this would be easy to get thru but I don't. That's some more wishful thinking. I hope this year is it because in the back of my mind, I'm thinking it's the last.
-Day 1 started off with DH's cousin going on and on about Sarah's pregnancy as I enter the room. I try to remove myself, but her voice is so damn loud and I end up hearing everything. I know more than I wanted to know, which was absolutely as little as possible.
-After that, I had to deal with being reminded of my niece and nephew's 2nd birthday. Another wonderful milestone in which I am still not pregnant.
-Playing with niece and being overwhelmed at how much she's advanced..gets me thinking of how much I want a child. Overall, I have mixed emotions around her. Thankfully, they were only there 5 days.
-More talk about the bitch's pregnancy.
-MIL stating that she'll visit her grandchildren when she retires. I'm sorry I don't have a grandchild for you to visit.
-Numerous pregnant bumps that surrounded me while Christmas shopping.
My Conclusion: This 2012 Christmas, I will not put myself thru this again. So I will be skipping Christmas and going on a little beach vacation. Don't give a shit, if my DH wants to come or not. I can't go thru another Christmas like that. Next year will be worse because I will be faced with the new baby who will be nearly 1.
New Year:
I'm really trying to be positive and not let this LTTC get to me. To an extent, I've pretty much given up..mentally. Or at least trying to get myself to accept the childless card I've obviously been dealt. Though, we are still trying. Just no OPks or temping..just us on prenatals.
It works some days, and other days it's all I can think about. My life is at a halt and our sex life sucks, but what can you do when you're desperately LTTC? Maybe if I had some sort of support this would be easy to get thru but I don't. That's some more wishful thinking. I hope this year is it because in the back of my mind, I'm thinking it's the last.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)