It happened. I've missed a period. Now you're thinking, this might be it! I thought so too. 3 negative pregnancy test, a negative blood test, and still no period later I am not pregnant. My body fucking hates my guts. At first I was rather thrilled, but still tried my damndest to not get my hopes up. Didn't work. Of course I was already browsing maternity wear and pissing on a pee stick like pregnancy was going out of style. Today I went to get my blood work and they confirmed what the tests said(hoping they were false).
With all this negativity how is one expected to stay positive? I put in positivity and get back negativity! Complete and utter bs. "It will happen when it happens", "It's not your time yet (no shit!)", "When you stop trying it will happen", or "God works in mysterious ways". Yeah well I've tried, then I've given up on trying and it still hasn't happened. I'm beginning to think God thinks I'd make a crap mother, so that's why he's not making it happen for me.
Why am I not surprised? I have often gotten the shitty end of the stick in life. Not finished with school, engaged to a freaking pathological liar who turned my life upside down, $ troubles, got married to a man who can't give me a child naturally, the list goes on, etc. I have officially decided that I'm done trying for a child. It's just not happening naturally and frankly I can't take any more of the emotional despair that goes with it. Looks like I'm waiting till we get the $ for IVF in a year..and in the mean time focusing on school and a career. FUCK IT!
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