It's rather sad I've gotten to this point of not caring. I mean what more can I do? I'm not necessarily giving up all together but almost. Often, I feel like this dream of mine is unachievable. At least right now. The more I want it, the more I end up with big fat negatives and bloody tampons. So maybe I'm changing tactics and am just like whatever all together. See if that works. I still have that broodiness of wanting to be a mother, that will NEVER go away; I'm just trying to put it on hold right now.
I also have gotten a babysitting gig, Mon, Wed, and Fri for about 7-8 hours during the day. It is rather challenging since the baby is 8 months and teething. He fights me on baby food, sometimes bottles, and taking a nap. These last 3 days with him have been a nightmare, I find myself questioning wanting a baby. Then again, I hear it's different when it's your own. And I also don't know what it's like to be a mother. Hopefully, it will get easier. In a way, I think he is satisfying my want.
Maybe if I take away the stress and so much emphasis on trying that it will happen naturally. Then again, this babysitting gig is stressing me out, so maybe not. I think I'll give it another week, and if things don't get better..then I'm going to give it up. I don't need an added stress when I'm trying to eliminate one.
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