My period came. Surprise, surprise (sarcasm if you couldn't already tell). I was actually upset over it. Seriously, I don't know where this sliver of hope comes from..it should be slowly dwindling down. I don't even know why I try.
As each cycle passes me up with a rosy coming each time, I accept more and more that this isn't going to happen naturally. Really after being disappointed for a year now, how can I be positive? With the results from his sperm test explaining why it hasn't happened, how can I still have hope it will happen naturally? How much longer can I keep on hurting myself month after month?
If I don't try then I feel like I'm failing myself..even when I do try, I feel awful and even more depressed when it doesn't happen. Then I try not to care about it, but that doesn't work either! I just can't win. There's really nothing positive about this trying to conceive crap. It's like I'm being punished by marrying a man who has an issue with his sperm. I mean he's gotten 2 girls pregnant before(one aborted it, the other miscarried), plus he comes from a fertile myrtle family, so why can't he get me pregnant???
I hate this, I really do.
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