Another Lonely Mother's Day

I want to go back to drinking and smoking. This healthy "lifestyle" isn't getting me a baby either. At least with a cig, I can calm my nerves a bit. 

After the shitty day yesterday, I'm now followed by another equally shitty day...Mother's Day. Of where I have to listen to customers tell me, "Happy Mother's Day" when I can't seem to be a mother. Wish I could tell them to fuck off and fuck Mother's Day. Way to throw it in my face some more people that I'm still childless!!! 

Maybe next year (yeah right) I can participate. HA! FML. :(

Low and behold 1 day before the worst day ever, I find out the other SIL is pregnant with her 2nd. That didn't take long considering he just got back from deployment and she was off birth control the whole time. Figures. It's unfair because I just dealt with the other being pregnant, constantly hearing about it from my in-laws. Seems as if it's never going to stop. The new score is 3, 2, and me still with 0.

I can't ever set foot in my in-laws house again with baby this, baby that, baby on the wall. EVERY FUCKING WHERE. Just feel like such an infertile outcast because I can't conceive shit. I don't even know if I can ever get pregnant.

This time I feel like someone ripped out my heart then smashed it in front of me with a hammer.

I fear that I'm going to die a depressed, anxiety ridden, childless old woman. It seems that life never gets fair. Praying to god doesn't get me a baby, letting go of the stress doesn't get me a baby, and even fucking having sex doesn't make it happen either. :(

I'm stuck in a dead end job that pays next to nothing and I can't get pregnant. What a blessed life I have. Not.

I am so sick of all the bumps!

Why can't I get pregnant? Will I ever get pregnant? I wish someone can answer these questions for me. :(

Yesterday, I was at work and cornered by these pregnant women bitching about their OBs and how sick they were blah, blah. Just shut up and take your conversation elsewhere. Nothing like whining about your pregnancy in front of the infertile! Shoot me now.

I just can't comprehend how couples are already pregnant with their 2nd in a matter of a few months when I'm still on my first. Most likely everyone will complete their families before I even get enough money saved for a couple rounds of IVF. It's just not fair.

How can the woman caught on video beating her helpless infant call herself a mother??? Why isn't she infertile? You're telling me that she was "meant" to have a baby? Come the fuck on!

Ugh, Sunday is another Mother's Day passed without me getting to participate. Fuck Mother's Day. I get to work and hear the customers tell  me, "Happy Mother's Day, if you're a mother". I'm going to tell them I'm not due to infertility and watch them squirm.

Month 4 after lap, around ovulation time. Yesterday I had a major migraine and we didn't have sex. DH also had to go to work at 3am. Hopefully, I didn't ovulate yesterday. Screw those ovulation sticks, they don't work. Maybe we'll get it on today. Then again sex isn't getting me a baby, so my efforts are probably pointless this month too. When is it time to call it quits?