I know we've scoffed at those fertiles with PD. How the hell can they be depressed, they are able to reproduce?!
When I got PD, I felt like the worst mother. I didn't resent my child, nor did I want to cause him any harm. He would get to the point of inconsolable crying and I couldn't do anything to soothe him. However, my DH could pick him up and he would instantly calm. What on earth was I doing wrong?! He was fed, clean nappy, and warm. I was calm, just sleep deprived, and in a normal mood. I'd only become frustrated with myself, when I couldn't soothe my own child. Was I really that crap of a mother a few weeks into motherhood? I felt like I had no business being a mother.
It got to the point of where I would start sobbing when he would be inconsolable. On those days DH was out of the house for a few hours doing other things, and I would ring him to come home. DH didn't make me feel any better by bringing up how will I cope when he gets a job. I was doing the best I could, after all I was infertile for 3 years. The transition into motherhood hadn't been smooth.
A couple of weeks later, the inconsolable fits ceased. I'm not sure what initially caused them, but thank goodness it is over with.
I've learned that there's a different side to PD. It happens, even when you love your child to pieces and are trying your best to meet their every need.
So sorry that you had to go through that Jax. :( Glad you worked things out. Remember to take care of yourself, it goes a long way in being able to take care of your babe. xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou have been through Such a lot to become a parent so don't put pressure on yourself to be this perfect mum who never complains.
ReplyDeleteFact is infertility is traumatic, being pregnant after infertility is stressful, birth is scary, lack of sleep and waiting for your body to heal is so hard, the hormones you have right now make you on a roller coaster of emotion and in top of all that you're adjusting to the role of being responsible for your own little human. so don't you dare feel like a crap mother! look at all you've been through and yet you still get up every day (and night) and give your boy what he needs.
Make sure you have someone to talk to about how you feel. be it a doctor, nurse, relative, friend, husband... just keep yourself open and accept helpful support. I had Pnd for years, pm anytime, I really mean it. Xxx