It's no secret that me and my husband aren't on the same page when it comes to this infertility. I'm wondering when he's going to wake up and smell the coffee.
My fears are that we're not going to have the money to pay for IVF (if he doesn't deploy) and that 2015 comes around he gets out of the army but can't get a job. Meanwhile, I'm still going to school full-time and working part-time..and we're still childless. I feel so depressed and down about this, I don't know what I'm going to be like in 3 years. The pain is already unbearable.
I know it sounds bad, but I don't want anything to happen to him either, but I want him to deploy so we can have the money to get IVF done. I'm sick of being stuck spinning my wheels and not being able to move forward in this painful journey. I just can't wait forever to have a baby...I can't keep on trying naturally for the next 3 years. I don't have that strength in me. We need to look into alternative options and go with it. If he doesn't want to, then I'm afraid it's going to come down to divorce. We HAVE to be on the same page and make the decision to go forward with this. Unfortunately, if he's not on board then we can no longer be married. Children are a deal breaker for me, and I want someone who will support me in the journey of achieving them.
This isn't how I envisioned my marriage. I've spent majority of these almost 2 years being unhappy because we're either fighting too much or being sad about not being able to conceive. I don't know if this marriage is a right fit anymore. I'm going to have to give it some time then make my decision..if things can't change (we keep on working on our marriage), and if we can't conceive a baby then there's no sense in staying married. Really, I don't want to wait too long and before it's too late.
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