Rosy, no not Santa came to town.

What happens today? Oh yes, my period comes a whole 2 days early lucky me. In fact, I started spotting last night..I was hoping it was just my imagination that a swipe of blood was staring me back in the face. Just kept staring at the tissue, thinking I was in a nightmare. Someone shake me and wake me up. Too bad it's reality. I have failed to get pregnant yet again.

I really don't understand, I've done everything right this month but nothing. Where did I mess up? I don't think I left any room for error. Maybe it was the fact I was stressing out. I read that stress is the number 1 reason woman have trouble conceiving is stress. Well what about those stressballs that have like 2 kids? Whatever. I mean I know it's not instant, but if you've done everything right, where did I go wrong? Is it trial and error? Hit or miss?

Well 2 more months and I can get on Clomid..then my odds increase by 40%. I'm not taking this one as hard as last month's...and the fact that last month I was 5 days late. There's always next month, and this time I will leave no room for any minor error.

What is it, Day 5?

I have been doing pretty well today not obsessing over the fact I'm not pregnant just yet. Suppose it's due to the fact I've been busy packing our closet to get ready to travel to Saint Louis for the holidays.

Today I've been peeing up a storm..and  I have barely drank anything. Sometimes it's a steady stream, other times it's a trickle of tinkle. Feeling really bloated, with my lower back aching too. That's uncommon for me before my period. My husband noticed I'm really warm, and some nights I can't sleep with the covers on I'm burning up so bad. My temp has stayed consistently high, hoping it doesn't drop anytime soon. It's been fluctuating between 97.50-98.10. Other than just being totally aware of my body, I've been keeping calm...still a little anxious though. I don't get that feeling my period is on it's way either.

Still praying every night and crossing my fingers for a Christmas miracle.

6 more days till I hope I don't get my period!

Tonight I attended my niece and nephew's first birthday party. At first I didn't think I could handle it, but after being surrounded by my husband's family I pushed it to the back of my mind. Pretty proud of myself.

I talked to my friend who just found out she is pregnant, in all actuality I really am happy for her. But at the same time I can't but feel a little jealous that she has joined the ranks of pregnant women. Oddly enough, she is the 2nd girl I have talked to in the past week about struggling to conceive who has found out she's pregnant. Also, this website where I volunteer and offer sex, love, relationship, dating advice, this poster was also struggling to conceive has also fallen pregnant. It's like when does it stop? WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN? Do I not deserve to be a mother? They say "Relax and it will happen when you least expect it". I've applied this concept to men, and I found my husband when I wasn't looking for a man. Now, we've already tried the casual route from March-Sept., and I'm still not expecting.

 So now I feel like if I don't work hard at this, give it all my effort, and put forth that 110% that it's never going to happen..If you want something you gotta work for it, right? Hard work pays off. We will see now won't we? Or all this hard work will drive me over the edge.

Day 7, 7 more agonizing days till Rosy is supposed to come!

 I hate trying to conceive, it has taken over my whole train of thought. If you would have asked me when I was 22 and in college if I wanted kids, I would have laughed in your face. Now, at 26 it's all I can think about! Staring a baby bumps in the supermarket, seeing a brand new baby swaddled in it's car seat, trying to pass along ultrasound pictures of yet another girl I know that is pregnant, it's like I can't escape it!

Went to go get my fertility tested the 2nd, and I have yet to hear back from my weirdo gyno with my test results. I think I'm gonna call Monday to see what the hold up is. Of course when I went in and saw him he was like well you haven't been trying for 12 months speech. However, he did give me tips on the basal thermometer, and about my cycle. I'm supposed to go back Feb and he's going to start me on Clomid. I'm pretty excited about that, seems to be the ultimate pregnancy booster.


Yesterday, a friend of mine found out after 3 years of wanting a baby and sort of trying she's finally pregnant. Now, I am happy for her but at the same time I'm sad that it's not my time yet. I couldn't help but cry last night in bed after I found out the news. I honestly wish that I didn't have this mad, ticking biological time clock. Anyone know of a way to smash it?

Some days are better than others, I can put that wanting to be a mommy feeling in the back of mind and go on about my day. Then there's days like today of where I can't stop those tears from flowing. I wish my husband could be more understanding and comforting. But those words, "It will happens when it happens" are not what I want to hear and offer me zero solace. However, I don't expect him to understand my burning desire to be a mother, I don't even understand it half the time..Don't know where it stems from and I often think I belong in the looney bin. Online pregnancy and medical sites say it's normal to feel this way. I'd like that name and number of the doctor who says this, and would like to seem some factual statistics.

Tomorrow, I have to go to my niece and nephew's 1st birthday party which I don't know how I'm going to throw on a happy face and try to bear it. Don't get me wrong, I love my niece and nephew very much but being around them is very difficult at times. Makes me feel like I'll always be an aunt, never a mother.

So 7 more days to go, trying my best not to get my hopes up. (last month my period was 5 days late then finally showed up on Thanksgiving day) But, I can't help it since I know that I've done everything right this month. Everything from the basal temp thermometers, to a positive ovulation test, to drinking tons of water, and my husband not being able to go to Ft. Campbell for training around my ovulation time. It's got to be some sort of sign, right?

I have had a bit or pre-pregnancy symptoms such as abdominal pains, extremely painful cramps one day, little bloating (but I always bloat a week in advance), side pains, lower back aches, nausea, aware of smells, breast tenderness, and acne. However, I can't tell if it's all in my head at times or it's related to my up and coming menstrual cycle. I just want to say fuck it, and go out and get completely shit faced to make myself feel a little bitter. On the other hand, that will get me no where but a hangover the next day..then I think if I am indeed expecting this time, I don't want any vices hindering my pregnancy.
I need a Christmas miracle.

A little background about me

I'm 26 years old, happily married to my 31 year old husband. We're a military couple on the rocky, bumpy road of trying to conceive. I know you're thinking military couple, we should be toting around 2+ kids, right? We have had unprotected sex for over 9 months now, the last 4 we have been actually trying for a baby. Until recently, I found out that I wasn't putting enough effort into it and totally missing my fertility window. So this last month, with more tools in my belt and resources to tap into (fertilityfriend.com) I have managed to climb into that fertility window this month. I have a 29 day cycle and am supposed to have my period Dec. 24th. However, my Christmas wish is that it doesn't come and I can finally have that round belly I've been wanting for the past 2 years.

As you know the bad thing about being in the military is that time is against me. My husband was supposed to be deploying in Feb, although we don't think that's going to happen due to military reasons, I'm praying that I have a little more time to get pregnant before he leaves. I couldn't bear going through a whole year of not trying, and a new wave of pregnant girls again. So thus begins my blog of trying to conceive..a way to vent and get my story off my chest...