Min and Max

I wonder what is the minimum amount of time, I should be suffering from chronic pain from hemorrhoids? I couldn't get through to the doctor's office today. Apparently everyone is ill on Mondays. Just put your big girl panties on and go to work, people!!

Also wondering what is the maximum amount of time I should still be wearing maternity clothes? Still in maternity pants, and a belly band with my regular denim. That mummy tummy can't be tucked. Lol.

Almost 4 years of marriage down the shitter

Now I know there's a reason why I was infertile. I didn't need to have a child with my husband. What have I done? My poor son is brought into this mess. I feel so selfish, because I wanted more than anything to be a mother. It was probably never meant to be. I should have just accepted the infertile card and left it at that.

As you know, fights with my husband are pretty explosive because he has a serious anger issue. I thought we have solved this last year. Apparently, not.

He went out on a bachelor party the day before Mother's Day. I didn't want him to go and he knew that, yet he insisted. I didn't feel like arguing so I told him not to be out all night. He comes home at 4am. I'm so upset and feel very disrespected. I let him in (I didn't have to do that). Things escalate from there, a lot of shouting, and I lost it when he called me an ignorant bitch. You know I'm upset and feel disrespected, yet you offer no remorse. I took drawers of some of his things and threw them on the ground telling him to get his things and leave. He screams at me some more and tells me I'm losing him. At this point, I honestly don't care. If I continue to back down, I'm letting him know that it's ok to treat me this way. Truthfully, I'm sick of it. It's not okay to disrespect me in my father's home and call me names. I think it is abuse. He gives me more threats that he will ram the car with his truck and neither of us will have a car. I'm so close to calling the authorities.

I told him he has 2 hours and he can collect his belongings and leave. I don't want him around me at all, ruining my Mothers's Day some more. What did I do to deserve this?

Happy Mother's Day to me. :(

I've got to be mad!

I'm going to talk about motherhood in this post.




As I've said before there's different choices in motherhood and some of them happen to have a cult following. It seems like I've fallen prey to one of these cults. Particularly the one that Tarquin's mother is leader of: Cloth Nappies. Yes, I know. Whenever I went into those shops, the hippies would pounce, trying to convert me from disposables.

So what made me change my tune? It's certainly not the extra load of laundry, the hazy economical statistics, or being green. I like that it saves us money, thousands actually.

I decided to make the trip 2 Saturdays ago to a less judgmental cloth nappy shop. There I purchased 2 carefully selected nappies, based off my own research. There's tons of brands, and there are even counterfeit ones! Yes, really. We went home and tried them after several washings, and love them.
They come in a million different colors of the rainbow and endless prints. Not to mention they're addicting. It's like collecting cards or having your collection of Barbies and their assorted attire. Now it has become a hobby. It is so bad, that I'm trolling Ebay for a limited edition print that is marked up way over retail value. I'm only a few weeks into this, and I already need an intervention. *Face palm*

Sorry, still don't care about pregnancy announcements!

Actually, I only care about a select few ladies' BFPs. Every other fertile bitch? No.

I get a text from former workmate who decides to tell me her sister (also former workmate) and another young workmate is expecting. Her sister is an Army wife, so it's to be expected. They happen to be baby making factories. Just not me. The other workmate has unfortunately become a teenage mother and will have to put her plans of uni on hold. Darling, you only had a year left before uni!!! Twat.

What I'm not understanding, is why I am getting this pregnancy news from an indirect source?!! If I wanted am update on their lives, I would get it straight from the horse's mouth! Urrghhh.

The pregnancy announcements still hurt. A little less than before, but they're still annoying.

Welcome back party canceled!

I am just so upset. I was really looking forward to it.

Bahahaha, yeah right.

I guessing they canceled it, as people probably weren't going to attend.

They're the type of people who only ring you when they want something, other than our son being born we never hear from them. Well, my husband's brother rings and asks if my husband is available to drive one of their vehicles back to Indiana. It's a very long drive and takes a couple of days. SIL is flying back with the children. Which makes no sense to me, as the kids are 4 and 2, so driving back wouldn't be a big deal. She's just lazy.

Husband said no, as we have a wedding to attend. In which I told him, he wasn't doing it anyways. So his brother asked the other 2 brothers. Who's going to foot the bill for flying out there, gas, and hotel accommodations as it is a 26hr drive?! There's no way in hell we were going to cough up for it. Her parents are constantly flying out there every month,  I don't see why one of them doesn't drive their other car. Ridiculous. Just tow the damn thing behind the moving truck.

So glad they're living in Indiana , as we won't have to see them.

SIL (I hate) back in town. Yay?

I know, I know. The bitching about my in-laws never stops. Trust me, I wish they would cut the crap already!

SIL (I despise) is the one who got pregnant on her 13th month of TTC, on her first round of Clomid with twins. The one whom I had a falling out with, as she claimed she really STRUGGLED much more than I did to get her pregnancy. Then went on to conceive naturally 2 years later. Yeah, that bitch. Her and the whole lot a moving back to Indiana in with her parents. I assume they can't afford the luxuries in Arizona. They lived outside of Phoenix and it is still a high cost of living.

Anyways, she is having this welcome back party at the in laws house in Illinois; when she is going to be living in Indiana. I suppose it is because of the few friends she has living here and the rest of her family. What a showy cow. The problem is my husband expects me to go to this party. If I don't it will cause a fight between us. I have no problem with him and our son going, but count me out.

I haven't spoken to her in 3 years, and as far as I'm concerned the twat owes me an apology. I'm not going to be fake and act like we're sisters. No. Thus, it's best I don't go. Now if I can only convince my husband to see my reasoning...

When did MIL get her P.H.D.?

I know I've said this before, but everyone has an opinion on how to care for YOUR child. For fuck's sake people, I'm doing the best I can. I'm reading baby books when I have a bit of time, consulting other current mothers, and asking my own mother at times for advice.

What I don't care for is MIL pushing her advice on me. Number 1, I don't recall asking for it and two, I know my son best. You spend a few hours with him on Saturdays, I'm with him everyday.

I'm no medical professional. When it comes to medical concerns with my son, I consult the pedi. MIL has "advised" me to push back the foreskin on my circumcised son. My understanding is that they are leaving a little bit more foreskin on, as it even out in growth with age. She seems to think it needs to be retracted every nappy change. I wouldn't think yanking on a wanker 8 times a day, would be comfortable. I'm not concerned about it, as it's not inflamed and the meatus is not covered.

I'm going to consult the pedi at his next appointment.