Infertile Ingrid returns

Actually, she's never left.

 I believe me missing being pregnant, is fueling my jealousy of more pregnant announcements. DH came home from his parents and gave me the news SIL (I like, that is stationed in Italy) is pregnant yet again. She told me she was just wanting 2, but I knew she would end up with a third. The girl can't properly take her BCP.

I'm not as upset, due to being lucky enough to have my son. Infertile Ingrid is just upset in the sense
she may not be able to have the family she always wanted. On the other hand, I should be happy with what I have since others may not even be able to achieve that. I'm not sure about a second go around..if it is even possible.

The OB did ask me what I wanted for BC and I just sniggered. I told him I was undecided at this time. An IF gets lucky and you want to throw BC at me?!! I'm not wasting money on that; it's just unnecessary. Of course my mother chimes in with she knows this neighbor of a friend who tried for 3 years, had a baby then got pregnant 2 months afterwards. Ughhhh. She had learned nothing of me correcting her when it comes to IF advice. If only it wasn't demeaning to spray her with water every time she says something "helpful" about IF.

Postpartum fun!

*Warning*
Please excuse my talk of blown out vagina, broken arsehole, and all profanities. There will also be a little talk of my newborn, he is pretty neat, but I will not go on and on.

Labour and delivery was 13 hours. They let me push for hours, which led to vaginal mush (OB's words) and a blown out arsehole. Thank god I elected for an epidural, as the doctor was down there reconstructing my lady bits for a half hour. The good doctor also loaded me up with narcotics, which I ran out of the other day. Boooo. Unfortunately it still hurts to have a BM. It feels like I'm passing chef knives through my rectum. Don't worry, I'm not whinging...in fact I see the humor behind it now! I'd gladly do it again, because my son is indeed worth it.

One odd thing I pointed out in LD was there was a large mirror in my room facing the bed. Who in their right mind wants to see their unshaved fanny in the mirror?!! I made MIL stand in front of it, so I wouldn't have to catch sight of my unkept lady bits. Yes, she begged me to attend the birth. I couldn't say no, as my husband would be displeased. She ended up being her usual overbearing self, in which my mother was unimpressed. If there happens to be a next time, I will not allow a party in LD.

......

As I've mentioned before, you still continue to receive unsolicited advice from mothers who know it all, because they've raised 5 children, breastfeed twins till they were 3 years of age, etc. One of the things every mother can get on a soapbox about is breast feeding. My husband was up my arse to do it, because it is natural. I believe it's because MIL encouraged it. She asked me every time about it. I will say I gave it a good try, but it wasn't for me and my son. Once we got it down, he wanted to feed every hour. In which I could not keep up with his demand, and didn't feel like getting even less sleep or being his dummy. Everyone says, "Breast is best!". For fucks sake, it even said on the side of the formula can! If a woman can keep up with supply and demand, more power to her. It's not my cup of tea.

All and all everything is good. Yeah, pregnancy can be rough (I had it easy) and newborns can be challenging in terms of postpartum depression and colic. With that being said, I'd still go on to say it does not compare of the devastating journey of IF. Not even close.

Dec 12 eviction date

Yeah, I'm getting induced. Not entirely thrilled about it, but it is necessary and I don't wish to risk him any longer in there. He wiggles about and stretches out my tum like he's restless, yet he won't come out on his own. Stubborn baby.

I'll be honest, I'm scared shitless for tomorrow. I spent the last 3 years yearning for our baby, the pregnancy, and all the joys that come with it. Now that the final result is literally around the corner, I can't help but be ridden with anxiety.

-Holy shit, I'm going to be a mother!
-What if I cannot get my baby to stop crying? Does that make me a crap mother?
-I can burp him by supporting his head and doing it over the shoulder? Why in the world would you want to do it over your lap?
-My husband is on board to be hands on, I hope he doesn't bail to his parent's home when it starts to get rough.

I've read those baby books, but my head is still spinning with information. Everyone has a different opinion or way of going about raising their child. I know how to be infertile and am quite educated on the matter, I just don't know how to be a mother. Frankly, I can read every piece of literature on the subject and still feel ignorant!

Alright, I need to stop psyching myself out. I'll be fine. Hopefully.

No baby, just yet.

The wee one wants to stay in there and keep eating such good food. Lol. I'm going to discuss an eviction date Monday with the OB, as they won't let me go past the 14th.

Nursery is completely finished. I'm just waiting on some storage bins to arrive and we need to take a second look at a rocking recliner. My father's house renovations are coming along nicely. I don't mind painting as it is water based, but hopefully he hires someone to do the carpet. I can't be bothered, as I know squat about carpentry. Our room is still under construction, so we're shacking up with his parents for a little while.

I've been getting on with MIL just fine.....until..........she told me one night the reason I was pregnant was because of God. Also, her and her church group had been praying for the pregnancy. Now because of dealing with IF for so long, my faith has been flushed down the loo. I felt that was such a patronizing thing to say! That's fine, if she wants to believe that. Just don't force your comments onto me, when I say it was sheer dumb luck. Anatomically, a sufficient amount of sperm (when my husband's count is low) aided one sperm penetrating the ova. Timing was finally accurate. How that happened after 3 years, I don't know. But I wouldn't solely say it was all God. I asked God everyday for 2 years. Infertility was breaking me and my marriage down. He never answered. Thus I figured he had more important requests or was just outright ignoring me. That's when my faith went down the shitter.

Anyways, I've been very lucky to have a good pregnancy with no issues. It's comical, as everyday I wake up and still check under the duvet to make sure I have a bump. As if I'm going to wake up from this dream. Even though I'm excited and nervous for his arrival, I'll certainly miss the pregnant part.

Erm, shouldn't we have dinner before you put your hand up my vagina?

I can't resist this. A bit of shocking TMI warning.

As we've moved and in the third trimester, I'm at a new OB clinic. They want me to meet all of them, as they aren't sure which one will be delivering my son. I feel like a flag being passed around! The first one was fantastic and the second one gave me a check but was gentle. However, this third female OB jabbed her whole hand up there what felt like 10 minutes! Christ, woman!! I wanted to scream at her to get her arm out of my twat!

I left walking like a penguin, afraid my baby is going to fall out. Poor thing, just got jabbed and prodded. Few more weeks and the wee one can come out.

Last post for a little while

I've got a long list of things to accomplish before my wee one gets here. If he does happen to arrive earlier than expected, then I'm royally screwed. *face palm*

I know it is all I ever wanted and wished for, however I'm incredibly nervous to become a mother. Childcare courses in school, babysitting, nothing prepares you for what is to come. Infertility only prepared me to expect the unfavorable outcome. Hopefully, I will be a good mother. Although my husband seems to believe our son will end up living in a bubble, I will be so overprotective. Can you blame me? It took quite a while and a lot of tears shed to achieve him, excuse me for being a little overbearing!

Also, today my husband will be moving me up to my father's house while he finishes the discharge. He will be moved up North with me, before Thanksgiving. I feel rather guilty of leaving him to deal with the move, then again he should be fine. The military has movers that pack up your items and move them to your next destination. Note, I've already taken the liberty of packing my clothing and undergarments. I cannot stand the thought of strangers packing my knicker drawer. The catch is we will be without our bed for a week, and have to stay at his parents on an uncomfortable mattress in the guest room. I guess we all have to make sacrifices.

That is all for now. Time to end this chapter in the South and as an Army wife.

Time to face reality

I move in the next 2 days and my husband will be following later this month. I am very excited, but overwhelmed at the same time. There's setting up the nursery, finishing up other tasks, our big move, flu season, my son's birth, plus holidays on top of that. Oh and my father is starting mini home renovations, as in painting and carpet installation. He has such great timing, when he has lived in his home for over 2 years now!

I don't want anything for Christmas this year other than to keep my sanity!