Today I start my clinicals at a long term care facility, i.e. old people home. I'm scared beyond belief. It's not so much the elderly people themselves, but that place and what it represents. I kind of feel like it's a hospice because they're for the rest of their lives. A little bit of despair and depression hang over it.
I remember when I was 9 and we visited my granny in the home. She wasn't herself. She was cursing everyone out, including her nurse and own family. My great uncle had to shoo the children out the room, because that is not how he wanted us to remember out granny. She ended up passing a couple of weeks later after my grandmother. I can't get that clip from my past out of my head. Hopefully, I'll be alright later.
Also today my mother was wondering if we were going to visit for Christmas. I'm not sure because I cannot be around my pregnant SIL right now. Her DH is getting out of the Navy soon and she's staying at her parents during this transition. In which, it all seems to be an extremely bad idea because how will they support their children. She cannot work, because she has to take care of them...neither of them have a degree and the economy is still shit. They should've seriously waited to have another. It's not like they're getting old or dealing with IF.
I'm not in the mood for Christmas anyway. Santa still hasn't brought me what I've been asking for the 3rd Christmas now. I'd just rather not be around family, children, and pregnant women, trying to fake happiness. It's just not happening.
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