Reason being, I had a mental breakdown in front of the former pregnant cow at work.
1. IMO, and I'm so hard on myself, having a breakdown is a sign of weakness. I'm not a weak person.
2. I HATE having a breakdown in front of someone I'm not fond of. I feel as if their reaction, sympathy is forced and false.
3. She told me someone else at work was pregnant. I did not care to know that!!!!! Let's trigger my depression why don't we?
I'm trying not to be hard on myself because these things do happen and I couldn't help it. I've been through a lot already and it looks like it's not letting up any time soon. Also this time of the year triggers a lot of heartache being another birthday, wishing for a baby this Christmas again, and the end of 2012.
Can I just forward to next year and be done with this shit year? In fact, can I just forward to the part of my life to where I'm a mother? Please? :(
At some point we just reach a breaking point where we just can't fit anymore. There just seems to be this little place that we store all these feelings and there's only so much one can hold. I know you feel like a twat but you're entitled to it.
ReplyDeleteChristmas is crap. I wish we could just hibernate through. ((hugs))
BTW, twat means something TOTALLY different in North America and it kills me every time someone from Britain uses it, lol.
Yes!!! My little place is overflowing. I can't keep it in anymore and my fake smile is starting to turn into a realistic frown.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm completely aware. I love that word. Lol.