Mother's intuition my arse

Nothing could stop me from shaking like a leaf this morning at my ultrasound. There was several times I wanted to lock myself in the loo and pee, or go back to the car.

The nice technician fired up sonogram system and squirted me with heated gel. The gel comforted me slightly, as you get a shock when it's cold. She rolled around on my belly and we could see such features as the femur, brain, spine, heart, opening of his mouth, and penis! This whole time the OB had me convinced we were having a girl, it turned out to be a boy. Nonetheless, I was still overjoyed. It didn't matter one way or another as long as he was healthy and every body part was functioning normally. I thought I would burst into tears because I thought this day would never come. Only one tear slid down my cheek as I smiled. He was a little stubborn not wanting to cooperate with the technician. He is his daddy's boy. Lol.

So my mother's intuition is shit. I shouldn't be surprised though, as I still operate like an infertile. Pregnant women still annoy me when they whine and bitch about their "rough" pregnancies. The baby aisle complete with HPTs, OPKs, and tampons still makes me cringe. In fact, I lingered in front of some tampons that were on offer yesterday like I needed them. I don't absentmindedly caress or rub my bump in public. I'm crap at taking my prenatals on time, and my sex life is still in the gutter (where it was during LTTC). Don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed to be having this baby and certainly have connected with him. I'm just waiting for that infertile mind to shut off and mummy mode to take over. Then again, I suppose I can never escape infertility. No matter what, it's still a part of me.